With The X Factor now consigned to the dustbin of television history, Cowell is said to be releasing his inner Jeremy Clarkson with a motoring show. Haven’t we suffered enough?

Simon Cowell and Jeremy Clarkson. Sneery Si and shouty Jezza. Together they bestrode 00s primetime, the dad-jeaned embodiment of a midlife crisis. Now the terribly haired pair seem to be morphing into a sort of two-headed televisual monster. Haven’t we suffered enough?

You could almost hear a nation’s eyes rolling in unison at the news that Simon Cowell is preparing to launch a new motoring show. According to the tabloids, The Karaoke Sauron (copyright Marina Hyde) is developing a rival to the BBC’s long-running Top Gear.

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